


I Wish I was Special

by ScribblesInTheMargins



Series: Alex's Pliroy Week 2019 [3]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 17:59:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17985971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribblesInTheMargins/pseuds/ScribblesInTheMargins
Summary: Rivals -- that was a joke.  Yuri knew he wasn't JJ's Rival and he never would be.Day 3 - Rivals





	I Wish I was Special

Rivals?  They weren't rivals.  To be someone's rival they had to acknowledge you existed.  JJ's press conference had been before his. The gold medal winner always went first after the GP final.  When he'd run into JJ in the hallway to come here, he hadn't even been able to look the man in the eyes. Instead, his head had ducked down and he had growled at him, ignoring how he'd been called kitten.  JJ didn't mean anything by it. No, JJ never meant anything by it.

 

The Canadian had been incredible on the ice.  Yuri knew he'd been so lucky to stay within a few points of that man.  Every move had been perfect out there, not a single jump missed, and Yuri had struggled so hard to try and keep up, to try and not be left too far behind by his 'rival', by that man who never noticed him.  Stupid growth spurt.  He'd give anything to spend just a moment in JJ's beautiful world, but that wasn't for him.

 

"Rivals?"  He repeated the question to the reporter as if he didn't understand the English of the word.

 

"Yes, with how you and Mr. Leroy have been dominating the rankings this year, and the well-known dislike you both have for the other off the ice --"

 

"No.  There is no well-known dislike we both have."  That was true, and he felt Yakov tense next to him.  Yuri just shook his head, "JJ just teases everyone. I'm the immature idiot that makes a big deal out of it."  Today was too hard, he couldn't. He fought away from Yakov's grip to leave the press conference early. He needed to get to the locker rooms.  He was not going to cry where people could see him.

 

The reports didn't normally try to drag JJ down.  No, everyone knew JJ was special -- he just wished he was special.  No, he wished JJ saw that he was special -- he wasn't though. He was just some creep lusting after a married man.

 

Why did no one else see how perfect JJ was, the good the man did, the way he was with his fans, the way he was with everyone -- the exact opposite of himself.  The exact opposite of Yuri.

 

He slammed his hand against the wall as soon as he got into the locker room.  They still had the exhibition in two days, but that wouldn't matter if his hand hurt.  No one gave a shit about him except at the exhibition when he was known for doing something stupid.

 

"Yuri?"

 

He froze as he heard the voice, turning around to see JJ sitting on the bench down there all alone.  "What are you doing here?"

 

"I needed to clear my head.  You should still be at your press conference."  The Canadian's voice was tighter than it should, and those beautiful blue eyes looked near liquid, but even so, the concern they held as the looked at Yuri was almost enough to break him right there.

 

"All they wanted to do was ask me about my rival."  Yuri looked to the side, walking over to the locker his stuff was still in.

 

"Oh -- yeah, the rivalry.  They feed off that." Slowly JJ zipped up his bag as he asked, "Are you ok?"

 

Every muscle in Yuri's back tensed as he heard that concern.  "There isn't a rivalry."

 

"There isn't?"  JJ was standing, his bag thrown over his shoulder, even as Yuri pulled on a hoodie that had been in the locker, the rest of everything just thrown in his bag.  

 

"Rivalries are between equals."  He tried to make his words as cold as possible  "I don't belong here."

 

JJ froze at the last part.  Everyone would think when Yuri said that, from how cocky the man was that he saw himself above everyone else.  The last words though … "What do you mean you don't belong here?"

 

Defeat coursed through him as he turned around to look at JJ.  "You're so fucking special." He wanted it to come out as an insult, but the tone was anything but.

 

"Yuri?"

 

What was he supposed to say?  I wish I was special? I want you to notice me?  The lines from a million songs of unrequited love?  No, he couldn't say anything even as JJ was walking towards him.

 

"You're the one who is special ...."

 

"No!  No! I am not.  I'm just some creep that yells at everyone and …"  And JJ was perfect. JJ had everything together. JJ had a successful wife back in Canada, a clothing brand, a song that had gone viral, a career -- Yuri knew all he had was a body that was aching and a reputation for being a bitch.

 

He turned and ran from the room, not even seeing how JJ's hand had been reaching for him, a hand that hadn't been wearing that wedding ring for months now.  

 

Two days later, if anyone was expecting Yuri to act out after his press conference for his silver medal, they were disappointed.

 

When the announcement that he had scrapped his previous exhibition was made, everyone expected something wild and crazy.  What they didn't expect was a pure white outfit with wings covered in soft feathers, reminiscent of his Agape costume from all those years ago.  

 

He looked like an angel.  He had to. This was JJ's beautiful world, and he didn't belong in it.  His piece was from Berlioz's _Symphonie Fantastique_. The world would assume the music was chosen just because it was beautiful, probably a test for a real program later in the season.  Only those that really knew Yuri would know that this was him screaming about unrequited love as loud as he could in the only way he knew.

 

They were never rivals.  Rivals were equals and Yuri … Yuri was too in love for that.

**Author's Note:**

> _Berlioz wrote the Symphonie Fantastique after falling passionately in love with Harriet Smithson when he saw her playing Ophelia in Hamlet. He wrote countless love letters to her, all of which went unanswered. In an opium daze, he composed this piece as a lasting tribute to unrequited love._


End file.
